The school year has begun, and I'm not sure wether to hate it or love it yet.

During the last week of summer, my life went to shit. My mistakes caught up to me, and I lost every good thing I thought I had in my life; Every happy memory I had of the summer had become one big lie, permanently embedded into my head. The one reason I was the least bit content with the idea of going back from school was that maybe, just maybe, I could leave the events of the best/worst summer of my life behind me.

No such luck.

I didn't think much of the fact that the person who had entered my life, became the closest friend I've ever had, and exited the one person that I hated beyond words would be at my school. At least, not after the first two days of school. I admit that I spent those days ready to kick some ass if anyone I didn't want to see dared cross my line of sight, but after going through one day of temporary classes and lunch period, and another day of 5 of my 10 classes and one permanent lunch period, I figured I'd be okay. By the third day, I was pretty sure of the fact that, besides maybe one or two hallway spottings of the friend I lost, I'd be safe from any confrontation with the memories of the summer. By my second to last class (the one I had lunch in), I didn't care much about the fact that I had two classes with a kid who smelled like he never showered and 5 minutes to eat lunch before leaving for my last hour Vo Tech class. I sat down with my lunch, ready to eat quickly so I would make the bus in time. I popped two tater tots in my mouth...and then I saw. There, walking through the lunchroom, was my most recent ex best friend. The person that had earned my trust, every secret of mine, and thrown it in my face and walked away, was standing not a yard away from me. I froze. There was no way I was ready to handle this. Lunch. Every other day. With the person that had hurt me most. No. Yes. I couldn't even meet the eyes, the eyes I had once found comfort in, the eyes that now burnt through my soul. I could barely look at the shadow in my periphial vision. I could barely look away. It stops for a moment. I know it sees me. I can feel it. And slowly, the memories creep into my head. My vision fades away. The memories are all I can see now. The thoughts that once made me smile more genuinely than I had even in my life now upset my stomach. The tater tots in my mouth change into something vile-tasting as I try my hardest not to vomit. I can't pull myself away from the scene inside my head. I'm trying not to shake, as my thoughts slowly fade away, and my vision comes back. The shadow is still unmoving. It's scaring me. What is it thinking about? Is it playing the same scene inside it's head as I was in mine? I hope so. I hope not. The shadow moves, turns the other way, and walks quickly away. I look at the food on my tray. I feel sick. I say to my friends, "Does anyone want anything off my tray? I don't really feel like eating". Nobody does. I get up and carry my tray with me to the trashcans. That's when I see that kid again. Sitting at the end of a table, all alone. What I wouldn't do to still be able to sit down and talk with them again. Now I wouldn't dare try such a silly thing. Not after our last conversation. I remember it all too well; "Just tell me...I have to go...Please! Just answer my question...I have to go...You owe me this much after everything you've put me through...I'm not sure. I have to go. Bye." I shake the memory from my head, toss my tray in the trashcan, and walk as qickly as I can out of the cafeteria, and out of the school.